Are You Their "Person"?
By Cree Cole

Approaching a loved one who might be struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts requires sensitivity, empathy, and careful consideration. First, it’s essential to choose the right time and place—a quiet, private setting where you both have time to talk without interruptions is ideal. Begin by expressing your concern honestly and compassionately, using "I" statements to avoid making them feel defensive. For example, you might say, "I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately, and I’m really worried about you." This opens the door for them to share their feelings. 

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Encourage them to talk by asking open-ended questions like, "How have you been feeling lately?" and listen actively, showing you’re engaged through eye contact and verbal cues. If you suspect they might be considering suicide, it’s crucial to ask them directly but gently. You could say, "Sometimes when people feel this way, they think about suicide. Have you been thinking about hurting yourself?" Normalizing their feelings and letting them know it’s okay to talk about these thoughts can be a great relief.

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Reassure them that they’re not alone by offering your support. Avoid dismissive comments and instead validate their feelings by acknowledging their pain. Encourage them to seek professional help by suggesting they talk to a therapist, counselor, or doctor, and offer to assist them in making an appointment or even accompany them if they’re willing. If they express suicidal thoughts, discuss creating a safety plan together, which might include removing access to means of self-harm, identifying people they can call in a crisis, and listing coping strategies.

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After the initial conversation, stay involved by checking in regularly, but be patient and respect their pace—don’t push them to open up if they’re not ready. It’s also important to take care of yourself while supporting someone in crisis. Ensure you have your own support system in place and set healthy boundaries to avoid becoming overwhelmed. If they are in immediate danger, don’t leave them alone—call emergency services or take them to the nearest emergency room. Approaching someone with empathy, understanding, and a readiness to listen can make a significant difference in helping them through a difficult time.

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When approaching a loved one who might be struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, it’s crucial to be mindful of certain behaviors to avoid. First, refrain from judging or criticizing them. Statements like “It’s not that bad” or “You’re overreacting” can minimize their feelings and make them feel misunderstood. Avoid blaming them or making them feel guilty, as this can worsen their emotional state. It's also important not to give unsolicited advice or offer simple solutions like “Just get more exercise” or “You should pray more.” These suggestions, while well-meaning, can trivialize the complexity of what they’re going through.

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Being dismissive is another pitfall to avoid. Brushing off their pain with comments like “You’ll get over it” or changing the subject if the conversation becomes uncomfortable can make them feel invalidated. Overreacting or panicking is also unhelpful; staying calm and composed, even if what they share is alarming, is crucial for making them feel safe to open up. Avoid centering the conversation on your own feelings or comparing their experience to yours, as this can shift the focus away from their needs.

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Making promises you can’t keep, such as promising secrecy when they express suicidal thoughts or overcommitting to being available at all times, is also something to steer clear of. Respecting their boundaries is key; don’t push them to talk if they’re not ready but let them know you’re there when they are. Finally, don’t neglect your own well-being in the process. Supporting someone in crisis is important, but so is taking care of yourself by having your own support system and setting boundaries to avoid burnout. By avoiding these behaviors, you can approach your loved one in a way that is more supportive, compassionate, and helpful.